


I Done You So Wrong

by bad_astronaut14



Series: Falling with Style [1]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Astronaut!Ellie, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I do my research, Inspired by SpaceX Crew Dragon Endeavour Mission, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, NASA, Realtor!Dina, im back bitches, inspired by music titles, they're married, why am I an angsty piece of shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:22:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25941298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bad_astronaut14/pseuds/bad_astronaut14
Summary: She slid beneath the warm spray of the water, closing the shower door and resting her forehead against the cool surface, her breath fogging up the glass. Ellie huffed in frustration, leaning up and turning the water as cold as it would go, desperately trying to find anything else for her mind to focus on. To draw it away from the thought, the guilt of having to leave Dina and JJ.
Relationships: Cat & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina & JJ (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & JJ (The Last of Us)
Series: Falling with Style [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882723
Comments: 64
Kudos: 132





	1. Neon Crimson

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a hot minute since I've posted, and I know. I've been busy, to say the least. Anyway, this one will be my first multi-chapter fic, and there's a good chance I'll do a sequel to this when it's done. Also, for those of you who know me on tumblr, I promise I'll be back to normal in about a week. Anyway, stay safe, stay healthy, and enjoy!

**July 14, 2017**

The doors of the lonely bar swung open, and Dina puffed out her cheeks as she let out a low sigh. She stopped the slow movement of the rag against the bar and looked up at the stranger who had waltzed in moments ago. 

The stranger stood clad in some black jeans, a white t-shirt, and a sharp gray bomber jacket. The left sleeve had a small NASA logo patch on the side, a few mission patches forming a line down the other, and a crisp white _Williams_ was embroidered over the breast. 

Dina did a double take when the stranger slid onto a stool maybe ten feet from where she stood wiping the old wooden counter and dropped her head to the counter. Dina hesitantly slid over towards her, and laid a gentle hand on the stranger's arm.

"What can I do for you?" Dina had asked.

Two and a half years later, that stranger became her wife. 

*****

**February 8, 2020**

"Hey, El! How was work?" 

Dina waltzed over to the front door from her spot in the kitchen, scooping up JJ on her way there. Ellie smiled when she saw her wife, grabbing her free hand and holding it loosely as she leaned in and sweetly kissed Dina. 

Dina's knees buckled when Ellie spun the wedding and engagement rings on Dina's finger.

"Hey." Ellie breathed, looking at her wife with a wide smile and soft eyes.

"Hey," Dina replied, "You never answered my question." She led Ellie to the kitchen table and sat her down, setting JJ in her lap and continuing to tend to the food on the stove. 

"Oh." Ellie exhaled, bouncing the toddler on her knee to hide her nerves. "Yeah. About that. Uhhh…" She dropped her head and thrummed her fingers against JJ's side, eliciting a small noise of content. 

Dina kneeled before Ellie, gently tugging away her fingers pulling at the collar of her crisp white dress shirt and giving them a gentle, reassuring squeeze. 

"Hey. Whatever it is, we'll manage. Okay?"

"Uhhh… okay. There's really no way to say this, but uhhh…"

"Ellie, babe. Just get it out. It's okay."

"Um, I'm going to the ISS at the end of May."

"Uhhhh… you wanna run that by me again?" Dina chuckled and tilted her head, her attempt at humor badly masking her nerves and concern. She looked up at Ellie, still trying to process what she had just been told. 

"Yeah." Ellie chuckled hollowly and dropped her head, squeezing back the hand holding her own. They both sat in silence for a short while, letting the full weight of Ellie's words sink in and permeate the air, making it thick with emotion and tension.

"How long?" Dina finally broke the silence, voice breaking over the words as they caught on the lump that had formed in her throat.

"Couple months. We come back in early August."

"Okay."

Dina sighed, again squeezing Ellie's hand to steel herself as she stood, pulling Ellie up and wrapping her wife and her son into a tight hug.

"Okay." She repeated.

The silence formed again as they held each other.

"Dina?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

Dina pulled back and gently cupped Ellie's face in a palm.

"Hey."

Ellie looked back at the murky brown boring into her own evergreen.

"I'm serious about what I said earlier. Whatever it is, we'll pull through."

"I believe you. But I still don't take back what I said."

"No need for sorry, babe. Can we forget about it for now? Please?" Dina cracked a small smile.

They laughed and smiled as they ate, but the recent news still plagued the back of their minds, creating a tension that lurked just beneath the surface. 

"Ellie?"

"What's up?"

"I'm gonna go lay JJ down. Can you get a shower started for us?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Ellie handed JJ to Dina and trudged up the stairs, the effects of the day finally getting to her. 

She arrived at the bathroom and started the water, watching as it flowed from the stainless-steel showerhead. She sighed and gracelessly waltzed into the connected master bedroom, of which she and her wife shared. 

Ellie peeled off her oxford and slacks, damp with sweat from the nerves the big announcement had brought. She shed her undergarments and decided to get in without Dina, closing the door behind her but not locking it.

She slid beneath the warm spray of the water, closing the shower door and resting her forehead against the cool surface, her breath fogging up the glass. Ellie huffed in frustration, leaning up and turning the water as cold as it would go, desperately trying to find _anything_ else for her mind to focus on. To draw it away from the thought, the _guilt_ of having to leave Dina and JJ.

Ellie looks down at her hands, veiny and pale but also splotchy and gray from the cold of the water. Her right hand balls into a fist and she slams it into the tile on the wall. It makes a dull noise as pain cuts into her. _This is nice_ , Ellie thinks, rearing back and punching it again. Suddenly she can't forgive herself for doing this to JJ and Dina.

She does it again. And again. There's stripes of red painting her knuckles now, dripping onto the floor only to be washed away by the streams of water. She lets out a cry of pain when her knuckles hit the sharp edge of a tile where it meets the grout. _Good_. She chuckles, though nothing's funny, and throws her hand into the wall again.

Shivers and goosebumps erupted through Ellie's body, and she welcomed them, feeling her teeth clack together and her body try and shrink into itself to stay warm. She let it, sitting on the cold tile floor and tucking her knees into her chest.

When the bathroom door opened and Dina walked in, she didn't flinch and didn't look away from her slowly graying toes and her watered-down blood swirling down the drain. Her body only shook harder, and a shaky sigh left her lips. Ellie feels the pain in Dina's face when she sees Ellie sitting there with bloody knuckles and puffy eyes.

" _Ellie_ ," she gasps softly, tears welling behind brown eyes. Ellie is brought back from the edge for just a moment. She feels Dina's hurt. And just like that, she's back at the edge, distant and brooding in her endless vortex of guilt. Then Dina is stepping under the water and Ellie, though only faintly, can feel her. Her clothes are still on, but she either doesn't notice or doesn't care. Dina pulls Ellie to her feet and an arm wraps around Ellie's bare waist and another around her shoulders. Her head is pulled into Dina's neck as she's guided out of the shower, still holding onto her hand tightly.

Dina wraps Ellie in a towel and guides her to sit down on the closed toilet lid. After getting the first aid kit, she kneels down in front of Ellie and starts silently cleaning up her wound. There's blood everywhere— dripping onto the towel and onto Dina's arms and jeans— and Dina dismisses it. She tries to wrap her mind around why Ellie would be trying to possibly break her hand in the shower.

She knows this mission will be incredibly hard for herself, but she hadn't even _begun_ to think about how hard this had to be for Ellie.

She only speaks again when the blood is almost gone and she has to use something stronger than water to clean the gashes littering her knuckles. "This is gonna sting a little, baby." Dina presses a kiss to the skin of Ellie's knee before dabbing the alcohol onto her hand. 

Ellie doesn't even flinch. 

A few minutes later, her hand is cleaned and dressed and Dina's leading her back to the bedroom, still soaking wet. She strips off her wet clothes and drops them in the hamper at the corner of the bedroom before returning with a towel of her own around her body. She picks out pajamas for Ellie and drops them on the bed beside her, who's sitting feebly on the end of the bed with her hands limp in her lap.

Only then does she finally speak since Dina had found her curled up in the bottom of the shower stall. 

"I don't wanna lose you."

Dina waltzes over to Ellie, dropping a gentle hand to her knee and scanning her face, and soft evergreen eyes finally meet hers.

"Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It would really make my day if you could take the time to leave a comment or kudos! I'm not sure when I'll have the next chapter up, but it'll sometime in the near future.


	2. Never Heard a Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, babe. How was work?" Dina asked, cringing, unsure if she was on thin ice. The hardness in Ellie's eyes returned as she crossed her arms and rocked back on her heels.
> 
> "You're not gonna fucking believe this."

**February 9, 2020**

A painful pang jolted Ellie awake. Her hand had somehow managed to inch itself under her head out of habit. She groaned a few curse words and dislodged it with a sigh, staring at the back of Dina’s head. It felt a little chilly in the room, but she looked down and realized that was because Dina had snatched the blanket all for herself. The only real warmth she felt was her butt pressed against her bare stomach where her shirt had ridden up. Smiling, she rolled forwards and wrapped her arm around her wife, sliding her hand up her shirt and tracing her thumb lightly around her abs.

“G’morning to you, too,” Dina mumbled, the sound of sleep lingering in her voice.

Ellie smiled, pressing a kiss into her neck. “I didn’t wake you, did I?” She asked.

That husky sleep voice did something to Dina. “No, I woke up a few minutes ago,” she lied, not wanting to make her feel bad. She had actually woken up when she had heard her winces and muttered curses.

“Mmk, good,” Ellie sighed, snuggling her head into the nape of her neck. “You took all the blanket.”

“I tend to do that,” she replied with an embarrassed chuckle. Ellie put some pressure on her hip with her wrist and Dina flipped over. They both smiled at each other for a few seconds before Dina decided that wasn’t good enough. Faster than a blink, she had untangled her legs from the blanket and crawled on top of the auburn-haired girl.

“Hey you,” Ellie smirked, tapping her fingers on the side of her thigh.

“Hey,” she replied, placing her hand on her cheek and leaning down into a deep kiss.

Ellie's phone buzzed from behind her on the nightstand, forcing her to reluctantly pull away from Dina's addictive lips. Dina groaned, eyes still shut as she tried to follow Ellie's lips as she pulled back. 

"I know, D," Ellie sighed, giving her wife one last kiss and wriggling out from underneath her. 

"I've still gotta work today. And if I remember correctly, you do too…" Ellie trailed off, trying to pry Dina's hands off of her eyes.

"Nooooo," Dina weakly protested, rolling over and burying her head into Ellie's lap.

"C'mon," Ellie tried again, raking her fingers through Dina's hair.

"I'll make you tea if you get upppp," She continued, attempting to sweeten the pot a little.

"I guess…" Dina grumbled into Ellie's lap.

"Oh, what was that?" Ellie teased, already hopping off the bed, Dina's head be damned, and bouncing down the stairs, chuckling to herself. 

Dina sighed and turned her head, watching Ellie's retreating form disappear down the stairs. Her vision clouded with unshed tears, and she let herself feel sorry. But only for a moment.

" _Goddamn it._ " She hissed under her breath, wiping away a stray tear sliding down her cheek. She hopped out of bed and joined Ellie in the kitchen, where she was greeted with a warm smile and a steaming cup of tea.

"Hey, babe," Ellie breathed, handing Dina her tea with a smile, but one that faltered when she saw her wife's red and slightly puffy eyes.

"What's wrong, D?" Ellie didn't really think she needed to ask. She reached for Dina's hand as it came up to wipe the tears now freely spilling from her eyes. Then she didn't hesitate in pulling Dina close, cradling her head in her chest and feeling her quiet sobs and her tears soak her shirt. 

"Shhhh, love. It's okay, you're okay." Ellie cooed, littering Dina's forehead with kisses and gripping her back with a gentle and sure firmness. 

"I'm really gonna fucking miss you, Williams." Dina choked out, head still buried in Ellie's chest. She held onto Ellie impossibly tighter.

"You have no fucking idea, D." Ellie replied, trying to keep tears of her own at bay. 

"I love you so much, Ellie."

Ellie smiled and let out a watery chuckle.

"You have no fucking idea, D."

  
  


\-----

  
  


Dina pried off her heels and unbuttoned her blouse, fully relaxing into the couch after a long day of work. 

She heard the key in the door and Ellie trudged in, looking rather upset than a normal day of work might entail. She visibly relaxed at the sight of her wife, a small smile gracing her lips.

Dina stood up and pecked Ellie on the lips, again sensing the tension radiating off of her, almost in waves.

"Hey, babe. How was work?" Dina asked, cringing, unsure if she was on thin ice. The hardness in Ellie's eyes returned as she crossed her arms and rocked back on her heels.

"You're not gonna fucking believe this."

"Believe what?" Dina asked hesitantly, grabbing Ellie's hand and spinning the wedding band on her finger.

"You wanna know who I'm paired with for this ISS mission?"

"Do I?" 

"Yeah. Fucking _Cat._ " Ellie nearly spat the name, trying to repress the unpleasant memories. 

"Jesus. Are they _trying_ to make your life a living hell?" Dina chuckled mirthlessly.

"Y'know? Honestly sometimes I think yes. I know I have to retake and pass the astronaut physical before I go, too. That on its own is, uh…" Ellie trailed off, and Dina got the message.

"A living hell." Dina finished, sighing.

"Yeah." Ellie said, looking up at Dina with pursed lips and arms crossed. 

"Sorry. I should stop complaining. I know this'll probably be worse for you than it is for me." Ellie conceded, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. 

"Oh, stop. How's that hand, babe?" Dina picked up the injured hand, examining the parts the gauze didn't cover.

"Oh, yeah. It's fine." Ellie replied, shrugging. Dina gave her a look and began to gently guide her up the stairs to the bathroom.

Halfway up the flight of stairs, Dina's toe caught on a step, laughing as she fell forward and Ellie lost her balance and hit the back of Dina.

“Remind me to never do that again,” Ellie sighed, looking down at her hand when they reached the top.

Dina noticed. “Yea, I wouldn’t recommend it,” she added, gently picking up her hand and examining it. “Tss, why’s it bleeding again?”

“I think I hit it on my way up, I dunno,” she shrugged.

“Cmon, klutz,” she sighed, heading towards the bathroom.

“Aren’t you the one who fell _up_ the stairs?” 

“Okay, _smartass,_ " Dina retorted, placing her hand on her shoulder and pushing her down onto the toilet seat with a smile. “Lemme see it.” 

Ellie let out a sarcastic groan, lifting her injured hand up to her wife and placing the back of her other hand on her forehead. “Dr. Dina, you have to help me! I have a boo boo!”

Dina gave her a look as she flipped her hand over and started peeling the tape off her palm. She got it off and slowly started peeling the gauze that had stuck to her knuckles. “Oh _, Ellie_.” She brought it closer to her face. Ellie was a bit shocked when she looked down at it, too. It was terribly swollen and bruised around her middle knuckle, almost two times worse than earlier. They also confirmed that it was, indeed, bleeding again. “This knuckle might be broken.” She looked up at Ellie and swallowed.

“I’m fine, D. It would hurt a lot more if it was broken. And I probably wouldn’t be able to open my hand,” she said, placing her good hand on her wife's cheek.

Dina gave her an uncertain look. “Open it then,” she ordered, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows.

Ellie started to say something but didn’t. She grabbed her wrist with her other hand and began slowly stretching out her fingers, holding her breath. “Fuck!” She yelped as she reached halfway open, almost tumbling forward, lightheaded. She grabbed onto Dina’s outstretched arm and pushed herself upright.

"Way to go, genius. C'mon, get up." Dina ordered, hooking a hand in Ellie's armpit to help her up.

"What? Why?" 

“We're going to the ER,” the shorter girl grumbled, raising her eyebrows at her wife.

“Uh, no we’re not,” she corrected. “I'm literally fine, babe.”

“No, you're literally not, babe. What if there is something really wrong?” Dina argued.

Ellie placed her hand on her shoulder. “Hey, I promise, I'm _okay_. A cast for a broken hand is the absolute _last_ thing I need for my job right now.”

Dina clenched her jaw, looking up at Ellie. She let out an annoyed sigh. “Ok, fine, but that means you are staying in my sights so I can make sure you don’t bleed out or anything like that,” she huffed, poking her chest.

“Mm, don’t need to tell me twice,” Ellie mumbled with a smirk, pulling Dina in for a kiss. Dina chuckled, sticking her hands in Ellie’s pockets.

“Good,” she mumbled, pressing her lips to her forehead. Dina turned to grab the cleaning solution from the other cabinet. She looked Ellie’s hand over a few times, making sure nothing new was forming. It looked the same as earlier, just deeper colored bruising.

Ellie bounced on the balls of her feet, getting herself ready for the hydrogen peroxide. Sure, they had cleaned it earlier, but not with the strong stuff.

“Easy, babe,” she cooed, cupping Ellie’s cheek. “You ready?” The astronaut nodded. “Ok. If you need me to stop, tell me.” The shorter girl started to drizzle it on the wounds.

Ellie felt the sting of pain shoot from her hand all the way up her arm. Her eyes went wide and she clenched her jaw so hard she thought she was going to crack a tooth.“Okay, okay, _okay!_ You don’t need to use the whole bottle!”

Dina pulled back. “Sorry!” She gasped. “Are you ok?” She ran her fingers across her cheek. 

“Yea, babe, I’m fine,” she assured with a smile. “I just don’t want you to use it all cuz I have a feeling this won’t be the last time you’ll be doing this.”

Dina rolled her eyes. “You're welcome, by the way,” she mumbled.

"My sincerest of gratitudes, m'lady." Ellie bowed with a chuckle.

" _Jesus_ , you're weird. Careful with that hand, genius. Wouldn't want that getting infected."

“It won’t, D, I’m gonna be alright.”

“But you don’t know that.”

“What I do know is that you’ll be watching it like a _hawk_ , so I’m pretty damn sure,” Ellie said with a smile, turning the tap on and running her hand under it, wincing slightly.

"Damn straight I will be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Once again, you know the drill. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. I don't know when the next chapter will be out, cuz I start classes tomorrow. But I'll do my best to get it out quick!


	3. When Our Legs Grew Tall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dibs?"
> 
> "Hmm?"
> 
> "I've got something to tell you."
> 
> "That you wanna go to the ER for that hand?" Dina asked, only teasing slightly.
> 
> "Sorry, but no," Ellie replied, getting a whine from Dina. 
> 
> "Still good news, though."
> 
> "Oh? Let's hear it, Williams." Dina picked her head up from Ellie's chest, softly poking her side.
> 
> Ellie chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sooooo sorry I haven't been posting a lot the past couple months. School and sports have been absolutely kicking my ass, so free time's been really scarce. This one's a little longer, so I hope the wait's worth it!

**February 10, 2020**

Ellie sat in the front seat of her car, the heat on full blast to help her prepare for the walk to the sliding doors of the large glass building. She killed the engine, pulling her far too thin, she thought, coat around herself tighter and blowing on her rapidly cooling hands. She stepped out of the car just as another pulled in a few spots down, grabbing her backpack from the back seat. The driver, Cat, looked her way for only a brief moment before looking away. 

Ellie sighed, watched her breath manifest in front of her face in a cloud of condensation, the cold still biting at her nose. She turned her back and began walking towards the door, ducking her head to shield from the wind. 

_ Here goes nothing _ . 

The doors opened and Ellie was blasted by a wall of warmth, and she smiled softly as her body began to gradually uncoil itself from its attempt to conserve body heat. She made her way towards Jesse's desk, one fairly close to hers.

"Hey, Jesse."

"What's up, Williams?"

"Eh, you know. Managed to freeze my ass off in walking the hundred feet to the front door."

"Don't like the cold?"

"Oh, I'm fine with the cold. The cold doesn't like me."

"Okay, smartass. Get to work."

"Alright, dumbass."

She sat down at her cubicle, setting down her bag and peeling off her coat. Cat sat across from Jesse, again looking, almost accusingly this time, in Ellie's direction briefly.

Their relationship had been good. It had been great, even. But they had their rough patches, and NASA had a job opening and they were both absolutely  _ convinced _ that more time together was the answer. 

They started to get competitive, neither willing to back down. Their stubbornness began to emerge and fights became more common. Fights turned into verbal abuse from Cat, and Ellie cut it off after far too many harmful words that slowly chipped away at Ellie with each one. Her walls have been solidified, and nobody has since been able to penetrate them. 

She absently fiddled with a CAD model of a part, losing herself to her stupor of her past. The sharp beep of the intercom filled the large office space, bringing her back. She winced at the noise, and not even a second after the voice of her supervisor filled the room.

"Williams to the build room, please. Williams to the build room."

Ellie stood, grabbing her laptop and smoothing her shirt of any wrinkles. She weaved through the aisles of cubicles, accepting Jesse's fist bump and words of encouragement and ignoring Cat's glare as she passed by. 

She arrived at the metal double doors, scanning her badge and heaving it open with her body. The room was more similar to a warehouse, the space filled with machines resembling planes or various spacecraft and supposed parts for said planes or spacecraft.

"Williams. How are you?" Ellie met her supervisor with a firm handshake and a kind smile.

"Not too bad. How about yourself, Anderson?"

"Good, good. Now," she said, clapping her hands together, "I've got a new assignment for you. From now until the launch, you'll be working with SpaceX engineers to help design the Crew Dragon. I figured it'd be good because you'll actually be using it, and of course, your degree is in engineering."

She held her hand out again and Ellie shook it.

"Good luck, Ellie."

"Thanks, Abby."

Ellie turned around to face her new coworkers, the apparent leader stepping up to her and shaking her hand.

"Williams, I presume?" The man smiled warmly, letting go of her hand after a moment.

"Uh, yeah. Ellie Williams, NASA Aerospace Engineering and Special Projects Lead. Nice to meet you." Ellie shifted somewhat uncomfortably, trying to hide her discomfort at feeling dozens of eyes on her. 

"Owen Moore, SpaceX Outreach Lead. Pleasure's all mine."

A silence fell over the crew for a moment before Owen gestured behind him.

"Uh, behind me we have Manny, our engineering lead, and Whitney, Nora, and Jack, our SpaceX engineers."

"Hey." Ellie held her hand up in a brief and small wave, again flashing a quick smile at all of them.

"Alright. Now that that's out of the way, I do believe we have a capsule to build?" Owen asked his team, getting multiple shouts and whistles in return. 

"That's what I thought. Let's go."

Ellie followed Owen through the warehouse to where the capsule in question was currently being built. 

"Okay. First order of business. Ellie, see anything you wanna change or add?"

Ellie stepped up onto the platform with the capsule, circling it as a slow grin began to split her face.

"Yeah, actually."

*****

"Great work today, team! Have a good night!" Owen shouted as everybody began to gather their things.

People began to wander away, and Owen pondered for a moment before turning around to face their backs, shouting once again.

"Actually, scratch that. We're going out with Ellie, here tonight. Meet at the Tipsy Bison in fifteen."

"Damn, Owen. You didn't need to do that," Ellie chuckled, rubbing her forearm nervously. 

"Oh, bullshit. Don't think you're special," Owen joked.

"Okay, okay." She chuckled again, putting her hands up in mock defense.

"See you in fifteen, Williams."

"Ditto." Ellie shook his hand before he finally turned and walked out the heavy double doors. Sighing ), she finally deigned herself to grab her things and say goodbye to Jesse.

"See ya, Jesse."

"See ya Ellie. Headed home?"

"Eh, not yet. My new team-"

"Dude, what the  _ fuck _ happened to your hand!?"

The gauze was soaked through and dried with blood, and the patchy purple bruising had spread down to the bottoms of her fingers and through her hand to the bottom of her thumb.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's fine."

Jesse gave her a knowing look, tilting his head and raising his brows.

"My friends' problems are my problems."

_ There's the punchline. _ Ellie thought, rolling her eyes with a smirk. 

" _ Anyways _ , I was saying I'm headed down to the bar with my new guys for a drink. I'm helping SpaceX with the Crew Dragon now."

"Ah, congrats and good luck."

"Thanks."

A silence hung for a minute, the conversation falling dead. Ellie finally looked up from her feet, smiling gently at Jesse and beginning to move away.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Before she could turn and leave, Jesse grabbed her wrist, pulling her back and directing her gaze back for a moment. 

"Hey. Take it easy, okay?"

"I'm alright. I promise." She began to walk again, but Jesse didn't let go.

"I'm serious, Williams."

"Okay,  _ dad _ . I'll take it easy."

"Thank you. See you later."

"See ya, Jess."

Ellie once again braved the walk in the biting cold of the winter winds. She got into her car, blasting the heat and blowing warm breath on her hands.

"Oh, shit." She muttered to herself, pulling her phone from her pocket and calling Dina. After two rings, her wife picked up, and Ellie smiled when her sweet voice filled her ears. 

_ "Hey, babe." _

"Hi, Dibs."

_ "What's up?" _

"I won't be home until later tonight. I'm going out for dinner with some work buddies."

_ "Oh, okay. Where are you going?" _

"The Tipsy Bison."

_ "Okay. Call me when you leave or if you need me to drive you." _

"Okay. Love you, Dibs."

_ "Love you too, Bub. I'll see you in a bit." _

  
  


*****

A few hours later and a few drinks in, the team had loosened up a fair amount, and laughs and jokes were exchanged frequently. 

Ellie and Whitney had hit it off, bonding over their shared love of hunting. The crew took the time to learn more about each other, and questions were being tossed around like bullets.

After hearing a particularly  _ unsavory _ story from Manny about his girlfriend, Whitney turned to Ellie, narrowing her eyes with a mischievous smirk. She poked Ellie's hand, and she had to hide the wince that instinctively came to her face at the contact.

"So,  _ Williams _ ," Whitney started.

"What?" Ellie chuckled nervously, nursing her glass of water and snatching a few fries from the center of the table, popping them in her mouth.

"Have  _ you _ got a special someone?"

Ellie hesitated, looking around the table and tapping her nails against the tabletop. 

"Uh, yeah, actually. Wife and a son."

Whitney softened at Ellie's response.

"Oh?" She said softly, Ellie nodding along.

"Will we get to meet said wife and son?" 

"Eh, one day or another. Love them to bits." Ellie chuckled.

"Shut up you big softy." Whitney smiled, punching Ellie in the arm, sensing the blow to her single marital state.

"Hey man, you asked." She put her hands up, stealthily snatching another fry and biting the end off of it. 

"Asshole." Whitney muttered at Ellie's teasing gaze.

Ellie simply finished her fry and shrugged.

*****

_ "Hey, you. Do you need a ride?" _

"No, I didn't drink anything tonight. Just called to let you know I'm leaving."

_ "Alrighty, then. See you in a few." _

"Yep. Love you."

_ "Love you too." _

A few minutes later, Ellie was pulling up the driveway and undoing the top buttons of her work shirt. She walked in the door, the smell of home easing her instantly. Dina walked in, JJ on her hip, smiling at her wife.

"Hey, Dibs. How you doing?" Ellie smiled, pulling her into a hug, careful not to crush JJ.

"Doing okay. How was your day?"

"Uh, really good actually." She pulled away, offering her finger to JJ, smiling when he giggled and grabbed ahold of it.

"Yeah? Why don't you tell me about it?"

"Oh, I will. Gimme a minute and I can get changed, okay?"

"Okay."

Ellie wandered into the bedroom, choosing a loose hoodie, t-shirt, and sweats to battle the cold and keep her comfortable. She shed her work clothes and slipped on her sweats, making the move to put the shirt on, stopping and dropping the shirt when she spotted the gorgeous figure of her wife in the doorway. 

Dina pushed off the doorframe, walking towards Ellie and gently holding both her hands in her own when she reached her. 

"Hey, you."

"Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah," Dina sighed, leaning her head on Ellie's chest, "Just missed you, is all."

Ellie shut down the voice in the back of her head.

_ Better get used to it. _

"Me too." Ellie placed a kiss to the top of Dina's head, letting the moment live for as long as Dina let it. When Dina did pull away, she smiled and kissed Ellie, gently squeezing the hands in her own. 

Ellie hissed, eyes squinting closed as she rested her forehead against Dina's.

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay. What?" Dina's hands came up to cup her face, studying the lines like they'd give her an answer. Her eyes roamed Ellie's body, and then it sunk in.

_ "Oh _ . Oh God, I'm sorry Bub. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. 'M fine."

Dina searched her face again, quiet for a moment as she did so.

"Okay."

Ellie kissed her again, relaxing when Dina sighed into the kiss. Dina pulled away this time, resting their foreheads together.

"Okay. Movie?"

"Sure. Got one in mind?" Ellie asked, reaching down and picking up her shirt and hoodie from the bed. 

"Hey." Dina cut her off and Ellie looked at her again. 

"That," she grabbed the shirt and tossed it back towards the wardrobe, causing Ellie to frown at the small mess it made, "stays here. And this," she pried Ellie's fingers from the hoodie, "is mine now. C'mon. I recorded Curtis and Viper 2."

Ellie sighed and chuckled, letting Dina lead her out to the living room. 

*****

"Dibs?"

"Hmm?"

"I've got something to tell you."

"That you wanna go to the ER for that hand?" Dina asked, only teasing slightly.

"Sorry, but no," Ellie replied, getting a whine from Dina. 

"Still good news, though."

"Oh? Let's hear it, Williams." Dina picked her head up from Ellie's chest, softly poking her side.

Ellie chuckled.

"Well, the SpaceX crew was at the building today."

"Quit stalling, asshole."

Ellie simply responded by licking Dina's face.

"Hey!" She burrowed further into Ellie's chest.

"That's what I thought. Now. You know the 'work buddies' I had dinner with tonight?"

"I thought you meant Jesse and Quinn?"

"Nope. Those work buddies were the SpaceX crew. I'm helping them with the Crew Dragon."

When Dina didn't respond, sensing her confusion, Ellie mimicked her earlier actions and poked her side.

"Y'know, the capsule I'll be riding to and from the ISS in?"

"Oh, okay. That's amazing, babe. I know you'll do great."

Ellie smiled, kissing Dina softly.

"God, I really hope I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and if you've been waiting for this chap, once again I'm sorry and I hope this one was worth it. Feel free to leave a comment, kudos, or dm me on Tumblr @bad-astronaut14. All of those things make the late nights and tough times worth it! (Also, kind of a side note, but COVID won't be a thing in this fic)


	4. Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wish I could promise I'll come back to you. I really do, but I can't.” 
> 
> Ellie's voice cracks.
> 
> Dina’s heart breaks when she hears these words aloud, and then it breaks a little more because Ellie continues on before she can say anything in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I actually did the thing I said I would do! This one's a little short, but we get to see the launch next chapter. That one will definitely be longer, and you won't have to wait terribly long for it! Anyway, happy reading! Hope you enjoy!

**April 19, 2020**

"Hey, you. How was work?"

Ellie heard Dina as she stepped through the door, eyes cast downwards. 

"Hey." Dina came around the corner, suddenly worried at the lack of response.

She pulled her body close against her own, tangling her fingers in auburn hair.

"What is it?"

Ellie waited a few moments, desperately trying to ground herself so she could speak clearly.

"The Crew Dragon's finished."

Dina swayed them back and forth, the statement catching her off guard. 

"Oh."

Ellie held her tighter.

"Talk to me, El."

She waited again, continuing to sniffle into the crook of Dina's neck.

"I guess it never really sunk in that I'd be leaving you until now."

"Hey, it's okay. It's only for a little while, you know that," Dina said despite herself, starting to feel anxiety of her own. 

Ellie pulled away slightly, making eye contact with her wife.

"I don't wanna lose you."

Ellie can’t stop the tears prickling the corners of her eyes. She can’t stop the way her vision is clouding because she’s trying to hold them back. She can’t stop the pain in her chest that blooms because the pain in Dina’s eyes mirrors her own and she _did_ that.

_She_ did that. Put pain in Dina's eyes. Because she’s scared and she knows she shouldn't be. She should be strong for Dina. Convince both herself and her wife that it'll be _okay._

Dina's mouth opened and closed, unsure of what to say, until she pursed her lips and nodded with lidded eyes. A moment filled with intense eye contact passed, and Dina tentatively leaned in, littering Ellie's neck and jawline with gentle kisses.

"Good."

Ellie shivered at the feeling of Dina's warm breath against her skin, then tensed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly, throat bobbing with the weight of her resurfaced guilt. The weight of the world all came crashing down, crushing her like Atlas beneath the globe. She screwed her eyes shut and her body wracked with silent sobs. One by one, tears flew down her cheeks and landed on the hardwood floor and the tops of her dress shoes.

"Hey, hey," Dina cooed, running her thumb along the scar in Ellie's eyebrow and down her jawline in a calming manner. 

"I fucked up," Ellie continued, voice breaking.

"Babe, it's okay. You did nothing wrong."

“I wish I could promise I'll come back to you. I really do, but I _can't_.” 

Ellie's voice cracks.

Dina’s heart breaks when she hears these words aloud, and then it breaks a little more because Ellie continues on before she can say anything in response.

“And I’m sorry, because I know how much it hurts you. I'm just so damn scared and I shouldn't be. I should be there for you, and for JJ. I just—”

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"Hey," Dina states firmly, curling her fingers around Ellie's jaw and lifting her head. Her eyes still squinted, breaths still shook. 

" _You_ are allowed to be scared. Not many people on this planet can and will do what you're going to do, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone, El." 

Ellie still sobbed, mouth opening to speak but nothing coming out. Each choked cry and hitched breath shattered Dina's heart further. 

“Ellie, _please,_ love. The only reason that I’ve hurt at all is because I know how hard it is for me _and_ for you. _God_ , I love you, Ellie. Just tell me what I can do, okay? Talk to me.”

Ellie is trying. She _is_.

"Six weeks." Ellie says, letting out a shaky breath.

"I'm not ready."

"We'll be okay, I promise."

\-----

**May 14, 2020**

Ellie stretched her legs, lightly shaking Dina and JJ in the seats adjacent to hers. 

"Hey, sleepyheads. Welcome to Florida."

JJ's eyes opened and he giggled when he saw Ellie's smile. 

"Hey, buddy. Let's wake mama up, yeah?"

JJ laughed again, standing on his seat and leaning over Dina's face. He then proceeded to hold Dina's face and place a sloppy, wet kiss on her cheek.

Dina screwed her eyes shut tighter with a blinding smile, starting to come back to reality. She shot her hands out and tickled JJ, the couple in utter bliss at their son's laughter. JJ slumped down in his seat and curled into a ball, trying to escape the never-ending onslaught of his parents' tickles. They finally relented, laughter slowly fading into bright smiles.

"Hey, you."

"Hey, babe. How'd you sleep?"

"As well as you could on a plane, I suppose."

"Glad to hear it. You'll wanna keep your eyes open for what I have planned for us today."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh, _yeah_."

The pilot's voice then filtered through the intercom, and the voices of the passengers fell silent.

" _Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking. I'd like to welcome you all to beautiful Miami, Florida. Local time is 11:32 a.m., and we have clear skies and a brisk 92 degrees Fahrenheit."_

The crowd chuckled at the Captain's attempt at humor, and the people at the front of the plane began standing and pulling their luggage down from the overhead compartments. 

"I now see why you wore a tank top." Dina lamented, staring down at her own t-shirt in almost horror. 

"First time?" Ellie joked, earning herself an eye roll from her wife. 

"Oh, shut it."

After several more minutes of waiting, the family finally exited the plane and entered the airport. By the time they had their rental car and were beginning to drive away from the airport, it was already 1 p.m.. Ellie wiped the sweat from her brow, turning the A/C on full blast.

"Seems like you need that more than I do."

"Oh, stop. Like you're complaining."

"I am most certainly _not_." Dina muttered under her breath, reaching across the console and giving Ellie's bare bicep a firm squeeze. 

JJ giggled in the back seat when he saw Ellie's eyes widen in the rearview mirror. Dina laughed with him, dropping her hand from Ellie's arm.

"Eyes on the road, Williams."

"Yeah, fat chance, that." Ellie muttered under her breath, knuckles turning white where they gripped the wheel.

"Are you _ever_ gonna tell me what we're doing?"

"I don't know, will I?" Ellie sassed back with a smirk.

" _Yes_ , you _will_." Dina retorted, and Ellie chuckled.

"Today, we're taking a drive up the coast to our beach house on Cocoa Beach."

"Babe. You absolutely did _not_."

"Babe. I absolutely did _so_."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"Okay, I get it. I lose."

\-----

Three hours of driving later, the trio pulled into the driveway of their rental house. The luggage was brought inside _solely_ by Ellie. As she dropped the last bag, she flipped dramatically onto the sofa next to Dina with a satisfied groan as her body sunk into the cushions. 

"Tired much?" Dina snarked without looking up from her book.

"Oh, fuck off. I'm literally fine."

"Hmm." Dina simply hummed, running her fingers through Ellie's sweat soaked hair, keeping her eyes trained on the words on the page. 

"Fine enough to go down to the water." Ellie smirked, sitting up and waltzing down the hallway, only looking back at Dina's piqued expression as she passed through the doorway to their bedroom. Dina shut her book and set it down, hopping up and chasing Ellie down the hallway.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"That's what I thought. Put a swimsuit on."

\-----

The sun finally set behind them, and they made their way up the old wooden steps leading to the house. Ellie slung an arm around Dina's shoulders, chuckling when she yawned and leaned into her side as they walked. 

"Tired much?" She echoed her wife's question from earlier. Dina nodded and hummed, nuzzling her face into the crook into Ellie's neck.

"Alright, then. We can order a quick dinner and head to bed. It's been a long day."

\-----

**May 15, 2020**

Ellie looked herself over in the mirror, straightening the collar of her dress shirt and smoothing the wrinkles of her slacks. 

"Ellie?" Dina's hoarse voice sounded from the bed behind Ellie. 

"Go back to sleep, Dibs. I've gotta head in for a couple hours this morning." Dina whined her displeasure, and Ellie sighed. She walked over and kissed Dina lightly on the forehead, grabbing her keys and wallet off the nightstand.

"I love you. I'll be back in a flash."

_If only_ , Ellie thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you're enjoying so far, I'd love if you'd leave a comment or kudos or dm me on tumblr @bad-astronaut14. Next chap should be up no later than Friday. Prepare for launch! 
> 
> Also why am I an angsty piece of shit


	5. A/N and question

Hello, my beloved readers! Just wanted to check in so you know I'm not dead and to tell you that progress on this next chapter is moving right along. This one is quite a bit longer than the others I've posted, so I have a question. So far, the chapter includes both the launch and the docking at the ISS, which as a whole is not finished yet. So would you rather I split it into a launch chapter and a docking chapter and post the launch now, or just wait for the finished chapter with the launch and docking? Leave a comment or dm me and your wish is my command. 

\- BadAstronaut


	6. Portrait 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie watched the displays with razor focus, watching everything fall into place. Her breath wavered but her hands were steady.
> 
> I'm ready.
> 
> Ellie watched the clock go down.
> 
> "Dragon, SpaceX. Go for launch."
> 
> "SpaceX, Dragon. We're go for launch. Let's light this candle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my wonderful readers! This is my promise to all of you that I'm not dead. I'm beyond happy that this chapter's finished and I can finally get it out to you. And as most of you requested, I did end up just making a longer chapter instead of splitting it up into two. So prepare yourselves, and say it with me: why is BadAstronaut such an angsty piece of shit? Enjoy!

**May 29, 2020**

Ellie released a shaky breath as she opened the door to the beach house. She stepped inside and was met with a candlelit kitchen table and a dancing Dina in front of the stove. Ellie pulled herself together; Dina had yet to see her. 

"Damn. That smells _good_."

"Oh. Hey babe."

"Hey, Dibs. What's all this?" Ellie asked, slowly making her way over to her wife, turning her head and seeing JJ watching cartoons in the living room.

Dina smiled, leaning into Ellie when she embraced her from behind.

"Surprise." She said mellowly, eliciting a smile from Ellie.

"Awe," Ellie cooed, kissing the side of Dina's neck, "I love you."

"I love you too." Dina smiled, finally turning around in Ellie's arms to kiss her properly.

Dina and Ellie enjoyed their dinner, a delicious salmon dish expertly cooked by Dina, which just _happened_ to be one of Ellie's favorites. After, they settled down with JJ in front of the TV, snuggling up to watch a movie. 

The screen soon cut to black and the credits rolled, and Dina took that as her cue to carry the passed-out JJ up to his small bedroom. When she came back down, she found Ellie sitting with her head in her hands, her body shaking with silent sobs. Dina reached her, gently coaxing her to look up. 

"Ellie. Hey."

Ellie finally looked up at her wife, eyes tired and laced with a mixture of both fear and pain. She then screwed her eyes shut, the first audible sob leaving her lips, choked in the way she tried to hold it back. 

"I know, I know. Let it out."

Dina sat down next to her wife, letting her lean into her and cry into the crook of her neck. She sat and rubbed comforting patterns on her back, feeling her breathing finally start to even after some amount of time.

"C'mon, Bub," Dina helped lift Ellie to her feet and guide her up the stairs to their bed. She sat her down on the edge of the mattress. The crying had subsided, now only the occasional sniffle or whimper made itself known. Ellie's eyes had shifted to a dark green, haunted and vacant as they stared forward distantly. Dina stood in front of her, hands gently caressing her knees with a frown. 

She then leaned back and shed her shirt and bra. But as Ellie's eyes shifted back up, they didn't roam her body like they normally did; they simply bore into Dina's, holding a weight she couldn't even begin to understand. She leaned down and kissed Ellie softly. When they pulled away, Ellie squinted her eyes as more sobs shook her frame. Dina helped rid Ellie of her own shirt, sports bra, and slacks while she continued to softly cry. Dina laid back on the bed, Ellie almost unaware of the movement. 

"Ellie, baby. Come here," Dina coaxed gently. Ellie leaned sideways, slotting her head in the crook of Dina's neck and draping her longer body on top of Dina's smaller one. Their skin melded together and their limbs tangled, slightly calming the taller girl. She greedily breathed in the scent of her lover's bare skin, trying to ground herself in the familiar smell. Her eyes slipped shut as another tear slid down her cheek, which Dina quickly wiped away. 

Several minutes pass.

"Hey.”

Those beautiful, evergreen eyes snap open and there’s still so much pain and _shame_ in them that Dina immediately draws Ellie impossibly closer. 

She feels more than hears Ellie’s own, “Hey.” It’s a soft rumble of her chest, churned by a sigh or a cry or maybe both. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles into Dina’s neck.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for, El. Let’s try and get some sleep, okay?” And Dina’s still clinging to her, as if she’s afraid that Ellie will crawl so deep back into her mind that she’ll disappear entirely into a void of anguish and guilt. She can’t let that happen. She _won’t_ let it happen. 

Ellie nods and slowly, slowly Dina loosens her embrace slightly. “I’m sor—”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Williams,” Dina says and her voice is stern but gentle, and it’s a different kind of _I love you_. “I told you that you’ve nothing to be sorry for.”

Ellie nods again. “Okay,” she murmurs. 

“Okay.”

\-----

**May 30, 2020**

Dina sat outside the double doors, eyes alternating between them and the ocean, only a few miles from the space center. Ellie and Cat were eating lunch and waiting to suit up. And, if everything goes well, there's only four hours from right then until launch. She thought about what Ellie said earlier. She didn't think she was ready either.

The launch broadcast was playing quietly on her phone next to her, getting drowned out whenever she bounced JJ on her knee and he giggled. The camera panned over the suit room, and she could see Ellie and Cat beginning to dress in their new SpaceX suits. 

Dina's heart sunk in her chest.

_This is happening._

But instead of hyperventilating and starting to shake, her body fell into acceptance. She released a long, heavy breath and felt her bones become heavier, pulling her being towards the ground, all while Ellie was beginning to pull away from the very place she was anchored to. 

Dina couldn't tell how much time had passed, but she could hear voices behind the double doors. People had begun to show up along the stretch of pavement, and soon the NASA Teslas pulled up. The voices got louder, and the back car sent its doors ajar. Dina made her way over to the designated area for families to say their final goodbyes, JJ waddling awkwardly beside her. 

_This is happening._

The doors opened and Ellie and Cat emerged from the corridor, clad in the sleek white SpaceX suits. They smiled and waved to the crowd, the cameras, before turning and walking toward the car. 

Ellie made eye contact with Dina, eyes glossing and a small, almost apologetic smile graced her features. Dina smiled sadly in return, throwing herself at the astronaut when she got close enough. 

Ellie hugged back just as fiercely, and Dina pulled her head back in favor of kissing her wife. Dina missed being able to feel the soft skin of her face, to feel her calloused fingers grace the skin of her stomach. 

Still, Ellie's suit-clad hands gripped her waist, giving it a reassuring squeeze and Dina's soft palms held the sides of Ellie's helmet. 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They lingered for another moment, processing the weight of their words settling deep in their chests. JJ waddled over and wrapped his tiny body around Ellie's leg, effectively hugging her and trapping her simultaneously. Ellie pulled away, smiling and hoisting him up onto her hip.

"Hey, spud. How's it going, buddy?" Ellie tickled his stomach, smiling wider when he laughed. 

"Hey."

Ellie looked back at Dina. 

"Come back to me."

Ellie let out a breath, like Dina's words were a blow to the gut, and looked away. She opened her mouth to say something, but Dina cut her off.

"I know. Just—" Dina stopped, grabbing JJ from Ellie and one of Ellie's hands. 

"If you don't make it back. I can't keep going without you."

Ellie nodded, bringing Dina's hand up to her lips and kissing it. 

"Okay."

They went in for another brief hug and kiss, and then Ellie was backing away from the striped yellow lines on the pavement towards the open door of the car behind her. Ellie sat down in the car, and the umbilical was attached to her suit at the leg to have it pressurized. After Cat walked around to the other door and entered as well, the falcon wing doors began to slowly swing down and close.

Dina walked up to the now closed door, taking one last look at her lover's face in person. JJ smiled at Ellie and put his hand on the window. Dina smiled at him and did the same, and shortly after Ellie's hand appeared on the other side of the glass. The car's engine started, and Dina pulled JJ's hand from the glass and removed her own, mouthing an _I love you_ to Ellie before the car began to slowly pull away. 

She sighed, walking towards her own car as the Tesla exited the parking lot, escorted by a police car. 

She followed them shortly after, arriving at launchpad 39A in about twenty minutes. She pulled into a parking spot and joined the currently small crowd waiting to watch the launch. She watched the Tesla continue down the road and park close to the service structure that would bring the astronauts up to the capsule at the top of the Falcon 9 rocket.

_T-3 hours._

Ellie and Cat were out of the car and walking towards the elevator. They ride the elevator up and walk across the crew-access arm. They stop in the white room, the last place on planet earth they'll stand before entering Crew Dragon and riding to the International Space Station.

_T-2.5 hours._

Dina watched on the broadcast as Ellie and Cat ingressed into Crew Dragon and were strapped in and given last minute checks on their suits by the suit techs who were currently on board. Ellie sat in seat 2, the commander's seat, and Cat sat to her right in seat 3. Soon they were safely strapped in and the suit techs stepped back, watching as the astronauts performed basic tasks on the displays in front of them. 

A sharp beep sounded, and the comms checks had begun.

_"Dragon, SpaceX. Comm check, ground stations."_

Another beep, and Ellie's voice sounded on the broadcast.

_"SpaceX, Dragon. Loud and clear."_

_"CORE, loud and clear. Ground stations comm check complete, standby for T comm check."_

  
  
  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. Comm check, T."_

_"SpaceX, Dragon, loud and clear."_

_"CORE, loud and clear. T comm check complete, standby with comm checks with MD and LD and the launch configuration."_

  
  
  


_"Dragon, MD on Countdown 1, comm check."_

_"SpaceX, Dragon. Loud and clear."_

_"Copy, loud and clear. Glad to have you guys on board. Standby for comm check Dragon to ground."_

  
  
  
  


_"Dragon, MD, Dragon to ground. Comm check."_

_"MD, Dragon, loud and clear."_

_"MD, loud and clear. Standby for comm checks with LD."_

  
  
  


_"Dragon, launch director on Countdown 1, comm check."_

_"Good afternoon Mike, loud and clear."_

_"I have you the same, and standby for my comm check on Dragon to ground."_

  
  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. Dragon to ground, comm check."_

_"SpaceX Dragon, loud and clear."_

_"I have you the same. Back to CORE."_

  
  
  


_"And Dragon, SpaceX. This concludes our launch configuration comm checks. Report when ready for seat rotation for section 204.100."_

_"Dragon, we're ready to go."_

_"Copy."_

  
  


_"SpaceX Dragon in 2, decimal 2, we are ready for seat rotation."_

_"Copy. Will report when initiating."_

  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. We are ready and initiating seat rotation."_

_"Dragon copies."_

  
  


The seats began to slowly rotate to a horizontal position, and Dina simply watched Ellie's face, knowing she won't be able to see it for at least a few days following when the capsule docks. 

  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. Seats are in the launch position."_

_"We copy."_

Dina sighed as she turned to look at the countdown clock.

_T-2 hours._

Another 15 minutes and the hatch is closed, sealing off Ellie and Cat from the outside world. 

In another hour and a half, the access arm retracted, isolating the rocket from the service structure.

In 40 minutes the terminal count began, and Dina felt her stomach physically drop. It's one thing watching a rocket launch when you're a kid, or someone else, _anybody_ else, but nothing compares to when your wife, the love of your life, is the one on that rocket going to space. 

_T-5 minutes._

Dina waited with bated breath, watching as the rocket began to pressurize and the clamp arm was beginning to release. The strongback reclined into launch position, and the final setup began.

_T-3 minutes._

\-----

_T-1 minute._

Ellie watched the displays with razor focus, watching everything fall into place. Her breath wavered but her hands were steady.

_I'm ready._

Ellie watched the clock go down.

_"Dragon, SpaceX. Go for launch."_

"SpaceX, Dragon. We're go for launch. Let's light this candle."

_"T minus thirty seconds."_

A thick silence fell like a blanket as the clock continued to count down.

_"Stage 1 tanks pressing for flight. T minus fifteen seconds."_

Then, the countdown could be heard through comms for the final ten seconds. 

_"10_

_9_

_8_

_7_

_6,"_

The engines fired, and Ellie released a breath, wiggling out her fingers.

_"5_

_4_

_3,"_

Ellie felt the jolt of the engines, and she braces her body for liftoff.

_"2_

_1_

_0._

_We have ignition, and liftoff, for the Falcon 9 and Crew Dragon! Congratulations NASA, SpaceX, and godspeed Ellie and Cat!"_

Ellie shut her eyes, letting the shaking of the rocket and the increased g-forces consume her. She opened her eyes as a smile split her face and soon she felt the weight lift from her chest. After about two and a half minutes of flight, the main engine cut and the Crew Dragon separated from the Falcon 9. Seconds later the 1D vacuum engine kicked in, and they were moving again. 

  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. Nominal trajectory."_

"SpaceX, Dragon. Nominal trajectory."

  
  
  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. Nominal orbital insertion."_

"Dragon copies. Nominal orbital insertion."

  
  
  


Ellie looked over after releasing the comms button and saw JJ's toy Ollie, who he affectionately gave to Ellie to be her zero-g indicator, suspended in the air beside her.

  
  
  


_"Standby for second stage separation. Expect a loss of signal."_

  
  
  
  


_"Dragon separation confirmed."_

_"Dragon, SpaceX. With that separation call, we have a few words for you from our Falcon 9 team."_

"Standing by."

_"Dragon, chief engineer on Dragon to ground. Ellie, Cat. On behalf of the entire launch team, thanks for flying with Falcon 9 today. We hope you enjoyed the ride and wish you a great mission."_

"Thanks Taylor, and congratulations to you and the F9 team for the first human ride for Falcon 9, it was incredible. We appreciate all the hard work, and thanks for the great ride to space."

_"Copy all. Good luck, godspeed."_

_"Dragon, SpaceX, we confirmed nominal ECLSS and service section draco checkouts, nosecone deploys in progress."_

"Copy all. We're monitoring."

Ellie looked over at Cat, feeling her eyes on her.

"What?" She said, tilting her head accusingly.

"Oh, nothing. Still wondering why they paired me with you for this mission."

Ellie rolled her eyes, looking back at the monitor. 

"Ditto," she muttered under her breath. 

_I miss Dina and JJ already._

_"Dragon, SpaceX, for update and trajectory."_

"Go ahead, Vic."

_"Okay, for suit doffing, we're still waiting for the cabin to be below 25C and trending down. Looks like it's on the way there but not quite. And the second item is during the burn we may have intermittent COM due to pointing, and this is expected."_

"Okay, copy the cabin temp and suit doffing and the intermittent COM during the burn." 

_"Good read back. And it looks like we are a go for the phase burn, looks like it's in about twelve minutes."_

"Dragon go for the phase burn."

" _God,_ I can't wait to get out of here."

"Oh, quit your whining. Only 18 and a half hours before we dock." Ellie tried for a friendly approach, having never really spoken to Cat in the time since their breakup.

"Well, at least you have something to _do,_ _commander_." Cat retaliated, nearly spitting at Ellie.

"Like I said, only 18 and a half hours and you'll have _plenty_ to do. Now can I politely ask you to shut up if you ever wanna get out of these suits?" Ellie asked.

"I guess." Cat shrugged, looking away.

"Thanks." Ellie sighed, falling silent again. 

_"Dragon, SpaceX, for suit doffing plan and observation of dracos."_

"Go ahead."

_"Yeah, right now, cabin environments are stable, our plan is to give you the go for suit doffing after the phase burn. And, we are seeing draco orbit 2 draco 4 has a little bit low temperature, out of family. We're not checking any immediate concerns, but just wanted to make you aware that we are looking into that."_

"Okay, copy that, SpaceX. We'll plan on suit doffing after the burn, and then the orbit 2 drake 4 is low temp."

_"Good read back."_

Ellie turned to Cat, hoping to lighten the mood. 

"Phase burn should start in about a minute, so we should be able to doff in about seven or eight minutes." Ellie said.

"Great. I can finally stop breathing my own BO in this thing." Cat replied, and Ellie chuckled. 

"Hey, at least they look slick." She smiled into her chest, suddenly remembering that sometimes Cat couldn't be so bad.

_"Dragon, SpaceX. Initiating phase burn."_

"Dragon copies." 

  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. For awareness, phase burn is nominal so far."_

"SpaceX, thanks for the update."

_"Dragon, SpaceX. We are disabling cameras, and you are go for suit doffing and in-orbit cabin configuration."_

"Copy. Suit doffing in progress, and configuration in progress."

Ellie and Cat removed their suits, relishing in the freedom and the cool air hitting their bare skin for the first time in hours. It took them longer to change into other clothing, but in the end it was worth it. 

_"Dragon, SpaceX, for timeline."_

"Go ahead."

_"Okay, just for awareness, we have the manual flight demonstration here in about ten minutes. As soon as that is complete, you have your go to step into your meal 3. And just be aware that the boost burn is at 21:42, so those three events are gonna be pretty close in succession."_

"Copy. Thanks for the update."

  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX. If you are ready, we're gonna command farfield pointing. Here we go."_

"We're ready."

_"Copy. I'll give you the go after the transition is verified."_

"Copy."

_"Dragon, SpaceX, we see you in farfield pointing, you are got to perform the manual piloting test per 4.042 farfield manual piloting. The test must be completed by 21:26."_

"Okay, we copy. We've got a go for 4.042, we'll put that at work, and understand the test needs to be completed by 21:26."

Ellie followed the demo instructions, successfully adjusting the attitude of Dragon to LVLH positioning. The astronauts then got to enjoy their meal, still waiting for the cameras inside of Dragon to turn back on. 

Ellie thought about Dina, and how she knew she would be watching every minute of the broadcast.

_"Dragon, SpaceX. We're ready for the boost burn with your go-ahead."_

"Copy. We're ready as well."

_"Copy."_

The cabin, for the most part, was silent save for the gentle whirring of the suit fans in seats 1 and 4. 

"Hey." Ellie broke the silence.

"What?"

"You think maybe we could move past all our bad blood while we're out here?"

"You're choosing _now_ to bring this up?"

"Y'know what, screw it. Forget I said anything."

"Not gonna swear, Williams?"

_"Dragon, SpaceX, nominal burn."_

"If you wanna be fired for swearing on national television, be my guest."

Ellie pressed the comm button.

"SpaceX, Dragon. We copy."

_"Dragon, SpaceX. Boost burn complete. SpaceX is go for the close burn, should take place in about fifteen minutes."_

  
  
  


_"Dragon, SpaceX, when you have a minute we'd like to sync up with you on the media event."_

"We're available. Let's talk about it." Ellie replied, finally noticing the involuntary droop in her eyelids.

_"So if you have the PDF open, I've got a couple of sections of talking points, and I was thinking you could get through a couple of those sections, if you have a preference. We are open to what you would like to do."_

"Okay. What do we want to do, Cat?"

"Honestly, I don't care, just don't keep the CORE waiting."

Ellie shrugged.

"Alright."

She pressed the common button, looking over the options. 

"Yeah, I think after the introduction and potentially the displays, I think whatever you guys want to do from there will probably work."

_"Yeah, Ellie, if you wanna show some views out the window, that might be really cool for everyone."_

"We definitely plan to do that if we're still in a day pass. That'd be cool."

_"We should have some good views for you during that ground path."_

"Excellent."

_"So Ellie, if you can get through section A, B, and maybe C and just as a reminder about two minutes from LOS on the ground station. If there is a break in your voice comm, I'll give you a reminder of that in about two minutes."_

"Okay, copy that. Thanks."

"How much longer do you think until the sleep period?" Cat asked.

"Should only be another couple hours or so."

_"Dragon, confirmation that close coelliptic burn has started."_

"Copy."

"Oh, God," Cat yawned, "goodbye sleep schedule."

"Amen. As soon as we're done with the tour we'll get some pre-sleep time."

"Well, let's get this over with, then."

"Okay. I'll get the camera."

\-----

Dina yawned.

_"Ellie and Cat, twinkle twinkle little star, goodnight."_ The mission control operator said.

_"Thanks Mike, goodnight to you as well."_

She was barely listening as the reporter explained that they'd no longer be hearing from Ellie and Cat until mission control woke them nine hours later. She got lost in her melancholic string of thoughts of Ellie, trying to keep her emotions in check. 

She and JJ had a flight back to Wyoming the next evening, allowing them to watch the Dragon dock in the early hours of the afternoon. JJ squealed from beside her, hitting his small hands on the surface of the table, smearing the food that was once on his face into the table. 

Dina jumped at the sudden noise, regaining a sense of reality and giving JJ another bite of food. 

_It's too quiet, Ellie. Stay safe._ Dina thought to herself, already missing the easy banter and laughter that filled the walls every night after Ellie returned home from work. 

"I need sleep," she sighed, running a hand down her face, and JJ laughed again when he knocked the spoon she had placed on the table onto the floor.

"At least you're doing okay." She bent down to grab the spoon from the floor, also grabbing the rest of the dishes and bringing them to the sink. She brought back a canister of wipes, both for JJ's face and the mess on the table. 

"Whaddya say, buddy? Ready for bed? We've got a busy day tomorrow." JJ squealed as she wiped his cheek, turning his face away from the intruding motions. 

"Yeah, I know. Help me out here, spud."

She finished cleaning JJ and hopped in the shower, finally letting the dam break and all of the emotions come flooding out at once. Her tears flowed freely as she crumpled to the tile floor of the shower cubicle. She had spent the whole day telling herself _it's not what Ellie would want_ and to _just hold it in_ , and she just couldn't handle the burden any longer. How was she going to make it a whole _month_ if she couldn't even handle a couple hours? 

_Only time will tell._ She kept telling herself. She had to be strong both for Ellie and for JJ. She cried herself to sleep that night.

\-----

**May 31, 2020**

_"Dragon, SpaceX. This is Mike, for your wake up call."_

Ellie groaned, opening her eyes and gradually adjusting to the dark of the capsule. Cat appeared to be awake beside her as well, already moving around. 

"Hey Cat? Can you open up the window covers? I'll call in."

"Sure."

"Thanks."

Ellie stretched for a moment before pressing the comm button. 

"Thanks, Mike. We're up and at 'em."

_"Copy that. G'morning, Ellie, and to you as well Cat."_

"Morning, Mike. What's the timeline look like?"

_"We've got the final coelliptic burn and suit donning, the manual flight to waypoints 1 and 2, docking, and boarding."_

"Copy all. Thanks."

"Fuck my circadian rhythm, _damn._ " Cat groaned, squinting her eyes as she pulled the covers up. 

"Oi, jesus." Ellie covered her eyes with her hands

"This is as close as we're gonna get, I suppose." Ellie shrugged, and Cat replied with a shrug and nod of her own.

"True."

_"Dragon, SpaceX, final burn should begin in about 2 minutes."_

"SpaceX, Dragon. We copy."

"Man, I am _not_ ready to get back into that suit." Cat said after the comms cut out.

"Yeesh. Those things make your metabolism faster than a post-Taco-Bell shit." Ellie joked, and Cat laughed.

"Some things are better left on earth, Williams." Cat replied and Ellie frowned, reminded of Dina and JJ who were, _coincidentally,_ left on earth. 

Ellie pondered for a moment, thinking of Dina's sweet face and her potato's infectious laugh, trying to temporarily fill the holes in her chest that Dina and JJ occupied with their presence. 

Ellie shook her head slightly, bringing herself out of her stupor, mentally berating herself from losing focus. The mission would be in her hands only a few short hours later. 

_"Dragon, confirmation that the final coelliptic burn has begun."_

Ellie blinked, causing Cat to look at her quizzically.

_Get yourself together, Williams._

"Uh, Dragon copies."

\-----

Dina awoke to the shrill noise of the alarm clock, inhaling deeply and feeling the raspiness in her chest and throat from the crying she did earlier. Rubbing her eyes, she rolled to her side to face the nightstand and let out a sigh as she finally opened her eyes. She halted the shrieking as she felt JJ's tiny body begin to stir from behind her. 

She expertly scooped him up, gently rocking him before setting him in his crib before he became conscious. She sighed, looking down at the tiny sleeping beauty, remembering why she had set the alarm. 

Wandering out to the living room, she made herself a quick cup of coffee and pulled out her laptop.

"How we doin, Ellie?" She muttered absently to herself.

The stream opened to a view of the Dragon capsule from the outside of the space station. The reporter talked of the manual piloting maneuvers that Ellie was currently performing, and for the whole time Dina held her breath. 

_"SpaceX, Dragon. We've completed the translation maneuvers, we're gonna pick up with the closure maneuver."_

Ellie's voice sounded through the broadcast, and Dina smiled despite herself.

_"We copy, we're following along with you."_

The reporter rambled on about how _it's every astronaut's dream to pilot a new_ spacecraft, and how _Ellie is living every astronaut's_ _dream_. The fact that this process was exceptionally slow made it even worse for Dina, and for several moments the stream was silent, save for the high-pitched whirring of the spacecraft. Satisfied with her wife's well-being for the moment, she wandered back into the bedroom to bring out her packed bags and grab JJ from the crib in the corner of the bedroom. 

The stream then showed the inside view of the capsule, the camera situated between Ellie and Cat's seats showing the three displays used to control and manage the spacecraft.

_"SpaceX, Dragon. That completes the closure maneuver."_

_"We copy, closure maneuver complete."_

_"We'll move onto 4.041, section 4."_

_"We copy and concur."_

Dina breathed another sigh of release, bouncing JJ on her leg. He giggled when Ellie spoke, and for the first time since Ellie left, Dina smiled. _Really_ smiled. 

"You hear Ellie, buddy? Yeah?" Dina cooed, tickling his sides when Ellie spoke again. Dina watched as the Dragon camera slowly moved in on the space station, signaling their slow approach to the docking port. 

A foreign voice sounded through the broadcast, and Dina squinted slightly.

_"Crew on the International Space Station is ready for docking."_

Had she really missed that detail? On the bright side, she thought, maybe having other crew members on the station will help give Ellie some distance from Cat. Well, hoped. 

A mere five minutes later, the capsule had reached waypoint 2, only 20 meters from the station.

_"Dragon go for docking."_

Dina's leg bounced nervously and JJ laughed wildly as he rapidly went up and down with the motion of his mom's leg. 

_"Houston and station are now go for docking."_

The spacecraft crawled along slowly, and the ISS cameras followed it as it approached the station.

_"Dragon, on the big loop, we're inside ten meters."_

The shadows of the space station could be seen cast onto Dragon as the Houston crew announced the final approach to docking.

_"Five meters."_

_"Three meters."_

_"Two meters."_

_"We are inside the crew hands-off point, with just one meter to go."_

_"Dragon, SpaceX. Soft capture confirmed, standby for retraction and docking."_

Ellie replied, and Dina could hear the smile in her voice.

_"Standing by."_

_"Soft capture complete at 7:16 a.m. Pacific Time, retraction in progress."_

Dina's breath shook, and she figured it probably would until Ellie was safely on the Space Station, but she wouldn't be so until about two hours later. 

_"Dragon, SpaceX. Great news. Hard capture was successful and docking is complete. Standby for vestibule pressurization."_

_"Copy that, standing by for vestibule pressurization, and congrats to everybody in Hawthorne and Houston."_

Dina let out a lengthy exhale, and JJ looked at her quizzically.

"What are we gonna do, buddy?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really hope you liked it l, and once again, I'd love it if you'd drop a comment or kudos! This one took me a while (no shit, sherlock), but I ended up actually watching the broadcast and taking most of the comms dialogue from the actual stream. Also, all of the titles in this fic are song titles I thought fit the chap, so if you'd like a spotify playlist for this fic, lemme know! (Also a sidenote, but I hope I didn't confuse all of you too much with the space talk in this chap)


	7. An update...

Hey guys! I know this probably isn't what you wanted my next post to be, but I just wanted to update all of you and make an announcement. I've been in a rough spot lately, and I'm not gonna lie, it's been really hard for me these past couple of weeks. So, I'll be taking a break to gather the pieces and try and put them back together the best I can. I feel bad, but I'd much rather take the time to get myself back on my feet and set myself up for success in the future, and I'd rather enjoy writing and put content out for you to see that I'm proud of instead of just throwing something together for the sake of getting something up. I hope you'll understand, and thanks for all the love and support all of you give me. Also know, this isn't the end. I'll hopefully be back in a week or two, depending on how I'm doing. I'll try and keep you guys updated and respond to any comments or questions I get. I love you all and wish you the best!

\- BadAstronaut


End file.
